Parents worry. That鈥檚 sort of their job.
Even if their son or daughter is 20 years old and hasn鈥檛 lived at home in years. Even if their child normally goes to school hundreds of miles away and there鈥檚 this thing called a cell phone that reduces that distance to almost nothing.
Of course, that鈥檚 not to say the thousands of miles and great big ocean between Edinburgh and Chicago is nothing to scoff at. In the end, family plays a big role in a student鈥檚 decision to study abroad. Will I get homesick? Will they miss me? What if something happens and my mom鈥檚 nowhere near a computer to Skype me at the drop of a hat?
Especially for those of us with parents whose ability to handle a smartphone is鈥.limited, this last one is a big concern. I talked to some of my friends studying through IFSA-Butler with me and asked them some questions about their families, regarding concerns about the study abroad process, the impact on parents and siblings and other ripple effects, how the experience compares to everyone鈥檚 expectations, and, of course, how they鈥檝e worked out communication back home.
Anna, Nica and Lizzie come from different schools across the U.S., varying majors and with differing family backgrounds, so it was interesting to see the similarities and differences about their experiences so far.
Anna, Nica, Lizzy and me
First, I asked everyone if their parents were concerned about their decisions to study abroad and, without exception, I got a resounding 鈥榥o鈥. As sophomores, juniors and seniors, our parents respect our decisions, encourage them, and recognize our responsibility.
I thought this was most obvious in Anna鈥檚 response as she said that her parents were 鈥渟upportive as long as I made sure that I would have enough money/planned out my finances properly and didn鈥檛 go somewhere they considered dangerous.鈥 Since her original plan was to go to Turkey for a semester and study in Istanbul, it鈥檚 obvious that parents have quite the impact on our decisions as students. Anna recognized her parents鈥 worries, having taken them seriously in her planning.
When considering studying abroad, it鈥檚 important that parents and their sons and daughters recognize that it鈥檚 a two-way street. As a student, it鈥檚 difficult when the people important to you don鈥檛 support your deliberations, but it鈥檚 just as difficult to see your parents worry about you to such a degree when you鈥檙e abroad. Compromising and meeting in the middle is an important part of the decision process. It鈥檚 a conversation between students and their families.
With that said, Istanbul is a very different city than Edinburgh, a major, English speaking capital with a very low crime rate. As Anna pointed out, most of us spend the majority of our time living in dorms. From the perspective of our families at home, does it seem so different whether we’re living in an Edinburgh dorm or a Boston one? Most of us don鈥檛 live at home during the school year, anyways, so being away is hardly a major concern.
Although, during emergencies, the distance certainly makes itself known. Towards the end of the term, Lizzie, a sophomore from Illinois, got sick. I won鈥檛 go into details here, but she missed several days of class, right before she was scheduled to fly home for a quick visit. Great timing, right? She made it back home safely, though her parents 鈥渨orried about the plane ride and watched the plane all the way across the ocean to make sure [she] landed alright.”
But then her doctor wouldn鈥檛 give her the all clear to return to Edinburgh and she ended up missing quite a bit more class, making it back right as finals started. It鈥檚 these sorts of situations that families worry about, but rarely ever happen. Thankfully, Lizzie says that 鈥渨as really supportive through the process which helped鈥, so even emergencies work themselves out one way or another, despite every parents鈥 fears.
Every family is different and this is especially true regarding siblings. I hardly ever see my own older brother, since he went off to university in Vermont and I entered Brandeis in Massachusetts. Our breaks rarely seem to match up. He鈥檚 graduating this year and we鈥檙e disappointed that I probably won鈥檛 make it back in time for the ceremony, but it didn鈥檛 really come as a surprise to anyone. Again, it鈥檚 different for everyone.
Nica is an only child, so when I asked her how her decision to study abroad affected her siblings, well, there wasn鈥檛 much to say. Anna鈥檚 relationship with her stepbrother is a lot like mine and my brother鈥檚, since her stepbrother is a high school student still living at home and they rarely get the opportunity to meet. For us, it doesn鈥檛 make a major difference whether we鈥檙e going to school out of state or out of country.
Lizzie, however, 鈥渆nded up having a stronger relationship鈥 with her older sister, since she is also studying abroad in Scotland for her master鈥檚 degree. Lizzie says that whenever she or her sister 鈥渋s homesick she hops on a train and we go and get lunch or she spends the night and we hang out for a day鈥. As you can see, the impact of the experience depends entirely on the sibling鈥檚 relationship in the first place. For a younger sibling, it鈥檚 often difficult when their older brother or sister goes off to college, but most students rarely study abroad their first year as a university of student, so generally speaking, it鈥檚 not the first time for the siblings to be apart.
Rather, for Nica and me, it was much stranger being away from friends at our home universities. The time difference makes it much more difficult to communicate with another student across the Atlantic, and I鈥檝e found that I rarely talk to my friends from Brandeis because our schedules simply never match up.
And, of course, we make new friends here in Edinburgh; consequently, Nica says that while she鈥檚 here 鈥淚鈥檝e relied on my friends at home less and less. As a result, we feel out of the loop of each others鈥 lives.鈥 Since you鈥檙e no longer a part of the everyday life of your home university鈥攜ou can鈥檛 compare schedules at the beginning of the term, or try and figure out housing together or have those casual meet ups in the cafeteria鈥攜ou can鈥檛 help but fall of the loop, as Nica put it, instead making another circle of friends around you at your host university.
That鈥檚 not to say that you and your friends from home won鈥檛 talk; there are plenty of new experiences that you want to share, but you find you have to put in a concentrated effort to do so: scheduling Skypes instead of meeting in the dining hall, holding off until the afternoon to share what happened the night before because you know everyone in the U.S. is still asleep. It certainly tests relationships, but, Nica, is 鈥渃onfident this will fix itself when I get back!鈥 As for her new friends in Edinburgh, well, she already has plans to come visit them in the spring!
Sometimes I forget just how far from home I really am. I try not to travel between Brandeis and Chicago too much during a normal school year, so I鈥檓 used to calling my mom rather than seeing her in person. The biggest reminder is that I can鈥檛 just pick up my phone and give her a call when I need to; I have to schedule it, waiting for her to check Facebook on her computer, since, despite having a smartphone, she hasn鈥檛 actually tested its capabilities yet鈥
However, we did make sure she got a webcam before I left for Scotland. She鈥檚 not exactly tech savvy, so this was a new thing for her, but it鈥檚 really made communication between the two of us a lot easier. When I asked Nica, Lizzie and Anna, I found they talk to their parents even more often than I do.
Anna texts her mom a couple times a week, Skyping every other week. Nica texts her parents every day, Skypes with them now and then, and they even came to visit for Thanksgiving. Lizzie has a group chat with her parents and her sister using an app called Viber and they chat every day, keeping each other updated. She also visited home over Thanksgiving and her sister makes periodic stops to visit her in Edinburgh, since she鈥檚 also studying in Scotland.
Even if home might be far away, there are more than enough options that keep us connected.
